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Farm vehicles don’t typically make a person feel insecure. But who can feel good about their own achievements when faced with such a talented tractor.

Being on Facebook is like having a whiny little bitch friend. It’s programmed to gossip about you and all your other friends and what you’re up to. Why can’t I play Scramble at 3am without all my friends getting emailed about my latest feat in word discovery?!

Recently, Facebook wronged me in a way that I am reluctant to admit. But I’ll just say it. It announced that I rented “27 Dresses.” Which brings up 2 questions. One, why is Blockbuster rental info hooked up to Facebook? And two, is it trying to embarrass me?! What’s next, is my doctor’s office gonna start writing to my wall? “Sari’s blood pressure just went up to 150 over 110.” “Sari has heartburn.” But why didn’t Facebook decide to announce when I got cooler movies like Brick or Juno. As much as I like to support women directors (Anne Fletcher directed 27 Dresses), why can’t there be more women directed projects that are fucking cool? Off hand I can only think of a handful of projects that women directed that aren’t chick flicks: Fast Times At Ridgemont High (Amy Heckerling), Lost In Translation (Sofia Coppola), Big (Penny Marhsall) for starters….

While I don’t have anything against girlie movies, and my own creations are oft described as ‘charming’ (Little CEO, Without A Hitch), someday I want to be the girl who directs the next Fight Club meets Old School.

Tact and propriety are not among my strong suits– in fact there is even a song called “Karplus Wrong.” (tho technically unrelated) Earlier tonight I was at my niece’s preschool graduation, and there was a fellow who may’ve trumped any of my own inappropriateness. As the parade of capped and gowned kids walked by, everyone was pointing and whispering “aw” and “how cute”, as the old guy joined in with, “Better than sex!”

Hmmm, “better than sex”? I’m not sure which seemed more odd, that comment being said at a preschool/synagogue, or the incongruousness of the comparison. (Like comparing apples and suspiciously shaped massagers) If he were any younger, it would’ve be creepy, but you can get away with a lot when you’re a sexagenarian.

The only thing creepier than plastic surgery, is plastic surgery that makes you look like your famous daughter only to trick people into watching your crappy show on E!

…and to think, she’s the good parent.

So you love a good, dumb comedy, do ya? Who doesn't. But if you have one to see,
do you pick Zohan -- Adam Sandler as Israeli ass-kicking, hair frying wonder -- or
Love Guru-- Mike Meyers as Austin Powers turned hairy Indian with cupid complex?

There hasn't been such an unbelievable debacle in accentry at the box
office since Tom Hanks in The Terminal. At least these flix are supposed
to be goofy... And despite the 99.9% chance of also bad accented Rob
Schneider cameo, I'll still probably see 'em both.